When a Friend Dies

The following is from the Henri Nouwen Daily Meditation of August 29th, 2006.
As I read his series on death, I thought of my long time friend, schoolmate, cousin by marriage, and later traveling companion. She was ill and we spoke of her coming death over the phone and in person many times. I am grateful for the opportunity we took to say our mortal goodbyes when we were together the last time over the Labor Day weekend.

She explained to me how she no longer felt "at home" in her beautiful Black Hills condo. She said that over the last days she was less and less attached to the beautiful things around her. The Norwegian things that she loved and books she loved. She was in the process of giving them away to friends, relatives, the church, charity.

I was given items she had treasured over the years. Pillowcases my own mother had embroidered for her wedding to my cousin, a wooden spoon from Finland my mother had given her 25 years ago, books about growing up Lutheran, Finnish and Norwegian books.

Another friend was there when she was stripping the walls. She sent a framed Norwegian print, "The Boy With the Silver Flute," to be given to me. After we spent a month in Norway together, I ordered the print for her from a remote art gallery in Norway.

It was the stripping of Good Friday. She died, and we are celebrating Easter Sunday once more. My friend lives and is re-membered and loved.

The Companionship of the Dead from Henri Nouwen

As we grow older we have more and more people to remember, people who have died before us. It is very important to remember those who have loved us and those we have loved. Remembering them means letting their spirits inspire us in our daily lives. They can become part of our spiritual communities and gently help us as we make decisions on our journeys. Parents, spouses, children, and friends can become true spiritual companions after they have died. Sometimes they can become even more intimate to us after death than when they were with us in life.

Remembering the dead is choosing their ongoing companionship.