Thursday, January 18, 2007

What is it All About?

The world we live in is too much. The super markets are bewildering, the new housing is obscene, wars are worse than ever before, every thing is over the top. I can't make any sense of any of it.

Art Buchwald died, he knew he would and he wrote a column to be published after his death. He said some things I agree with. He said his mind keeps turning to food and he has found it hard to pass up a banana split. That makes sense to me.

He thinks it is egocentric to believe that someone is put on earth for a reason. He would like to think his last column might wind up on a cereal box or be repeated every Thanksgiving Day. If anything I ever wrote ended up on a cereal box, I would hope it would be "Eat your vegetables."

It would be a good thing if we were here for a reason other than to make love and war. Making love in the 50's gave me a reason for being here, five to be exact. The eternal question for me is what about after all that? The five, or six, or seven are off with their own reason for being here. After working and saving for a rainy day, or in my case my old age, then what? More precisely, NOW what?

Buchwald ends his posthumous column, "What's it all about, Alfie?"

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Bad Calls

My wake up call was from a South Dakota pay phone. I thought pay phones were a thing of the past. The first words that rattled my ear drum was a blast of profanity. "Are you really so stupid." "Where is my twin?" "Your name is ruined." "The FBI and CIA and Hillary Clinton are all on to your evil schemes." I am flummoxed with the profanity. I should have known better than to answer it.

Novels pale when one's real life is besieged with the dark mind of the mentally ill. The hatred has become predictable over the past 20 years. It is not easier, however. For the moment she is safe and so are we, it would be a relief if it lasted a while, but nothing ever lasts.

He Who Must Be Obeyed has been gone for nearly a week picking up the pieces again. He calms me with frequent phone calls, his own quiet acceptance of difficult days, and kind warnings against picking up the profane calls.

R. is in the South Dakota Mickelson Center for the Mentally Ill after a week in jail and some time in the hospital. Why, I wonder, do they allow their patients to make harassing phone calls? She is "protected by the FBI and CIA and they are on to our evil ways." "The Eye in the Sky is watching your every move, you know." "Hillary Clinton has taken over your computer. Did you know that, or are you so stupid you don't know that either?" "I know the entire Kennedy family, even the one they hid away in a convent." "Why did you name my twin the same as me?" "Why are you so f***ing ignorant?"

Friends have made me happy with food and girl talk.

There are worse calls than those from telemarketers.

Monday, January 01, 2007

Start the Year With Humor

NOAH: If the few remaining polar ice caps melt, are we in danger of another flood that would cover all the dry land?

TLGA(The Lord God Almighty): When is the last time you read Genesis 9:11-17? I thought you had some new questions to ask Me. If My Promise doesn't satisfy you, calculate the volume of water required to bring mean sea level over the top of Mt. Everest, and then see if there is that much water in your entire planet. More than half of your habitations may be flooded, your expensive vacation homes may be demolished, your insurance rates may rise beyond what even the wealthiest of you can afford. In the worst-case scenario, your best farmland may be flooded, and two thirds of you may starve to death. But there will still be dry land. You aren't ALL going to die.
By the way, before the polar ice caps totally melt, a corrective mechanism will be invoked, but you won't find it comfortable. It is called an Ice Age – kicks in every time sea level goes above a certain point. Might be good for you.

When I read the WittenburgDoor and laugh at the absurdity, does God laugh with me, or is he wagging his finger at my boorish behavior? God is probably too busy with this godforsaken, no pun intended, world to give a snap about what I laugh at. If he did, I could keep him busy. I find way too much humor in my world.

Happy New Year, my dear reader. If that sounds like a joke to you, maybe you need a laugh or two right now, also.