Live in the Present

This has been two days of heights and depths. It is the old cliche' of "Good News Bad News" living out its blessings and wretchedness in a measly two days. Bruderhof Communities had a timely Tolstoy short story highlighted this morning. Tolstoy got it right again but the reality of the meaning of life eludes me when I am living the Bad News part.

Monday I had someone help me in the house; that was good, but becoming acquainted with WS was warm and enriching both spiritually and personally. Surely God sends people into one's life the same way as people entered the King's life in the Tolstoy tale.

WS is from South Korea, one of two Christians in her large family, and will get her Masters Degree in Counseling in May. I see her skilled work as a blessing and when she told me that I am a good housekeeper, I owned the statement and took it as a great compliment. We will become great friends, I am sure, and my house sparkles. That is my good news.

Ah, but the bad news. Why is it that some bad news is as bad as it can get? He Who Must Be Obeyed warned me not to pick up the phone when R. calls. The rings were persistantly long throughout the day. By six or seven last night, this mother, couldn't let it go unheeded any longer. I persuaded HWMBO to speak to her; I stayed on the line. He is always right. We both got cursed horribly and hatefully. Then when it was over, I became the scapegoat again. I know it is the Bi-Polar illness speaking and I realize I enabled the escalation by allowing it to happen. None-the-less, that rationalization does not lessen the damage.

To quote Tolstoy, "Remember then: there is only one time that is important - Now! It is the most important time because it is the only time when we have any power. I cannot think past the last night's sting to see how that can help me "now."

Tolstoy, in his last paragraph, gives us the meaning of life. All of it makes perfect sense. It is scraping up the bloody mess after it has been botched that is the problem.