New Socks and Old Friends

New socks are not always predictable. I am a little too sock fussy; no seams, not too thick, plain with no foo-foo. He Who Must Be Obeyed surprised me with a whole bunch of new socks in black, white and navy blue. They are perfect. I am amazed, as he is not much for either surprises or presents. I was pleased with the socks and his thoughtfulness.

When I was a young(ish) woman and I used the term 'old friends' it meant friends my own age that I have had since I was a school kid. Now that term has taken on several meanings. It might be new acquaintances my own age, and they might be old acquaintences the same age as I am, or it could be people I know older than myself by ten years. You just can't tell exactly what an old friend is anymore.

This past weekend we went to Wichita to a graduation party for two grandchildren. The party was perfection. The outdoor graduation was comfortable, the gift opening and card reading was touching. We have a nurse who will work in Pediatric Intensive Care. That is serious nursing duty. The high school grad is like the rest of us trying to sort life out. For some of us it takes longer than for those who know right off what life is all about and how they fit into the big picture.

I am still church conflicted, pain challenged, and startled that I have been wrong more than right all along. I can't figure it all out but I have discovered what I thought was right, wasn't. It felt better thinking I was right though, than knowing that I wasn't.

Another truth came to me on our drive to Wichita. We have to stop and walk around after a few hours on the road and we pulled off the highway about a block and walked through a "flea market" in a small Kansas town. I have nothing to complain about. I should be thankful for lumpy socks. This handfull of folks with their caged animals and small assorted nic-naks on tables were so poor, that my heart went out to them. Both of us felt bad that we didn't peel off a few bills for each of them and tell them to keep their bunnies, chickens, doves, kittens, and guinea pigs.

I don't know why it is that in the middle of a friendly conversatin about how to raise doves, one feels awkward about giving poor people money. It somehow seemed rude to offer money without taking the little critter being sold. Even poor people have lots of pride. They are friendly to a fault.

I could have sat in the dirt with any of them and made a friend. It was obvious that a little dirt did not put any of them off. You have to carry a dove around a long time to tame it. You only put it down if you have to go out of the house "for one thing or the other." No mention of going out to school or work, however. I can get judgemental a bit too quickly.

Perhaps the need for friendship is as immediate as the need for money. I just hate it when I think about the money I didn't hand out. We could have turned the animals loose maybe. One sweet woman in her thirties or forties handed me a little kitten, so sick it was almost limp. It is free she said. I bet there was a lot of undiagnosed illness among that little group near the 4H barns with their cages and tables. There was also a lot of friendship between the cages of crowing roosters and pregnant bunnies.

Bedtime Stories

I don't really have trouble sleeping at night and during the past two months find myself falling asleep during the day. I don't know what to make of that.

AA battery businesses depend on people like me who keep their ancient Sony Walkman powered up in the middle of the night...I don't bother my room mate with the head set; but you are correct in thinking he finds it isolating. It is. But it makes for diverse (mis)information and great bedtime stories, classical music as well, and even a local NBC affiliate TV station with those infernal advertisments. I find the Catholics more to my liking than the other choice. Some nights it is all annoying.

Last night it was an old rerun of John Lear on "Coast to Coast."

"Publicized space missions such as the Shuttle are actually a cover-up for what is really going on, added Lear. Also kept from the public, is the fact that there is life similar to ours on most of the planets in our solar system, he declared. For instance, Mars has a population of 660 million (mostly underground) and Venus is actually "green and beautiful." Further, the sky is blue on both Mars and our Moon, Lear said."

When I was a kid I enjoyed the likes of Hansel and Gretel, a fairy tale, no matter how fantastic, is simply to entertain and be enjoyed. Even the gory stuff and there was plenty of that in Hans Christian Anderson. John Lear had a theory about missing people, God, our souls, and animal mutilation. It was on par with pitching a witch into the oven.

A person has to be a lunatic to even listen to that stuff; or else you love a good bedtime story.

To Know Thyself

"Know Thyself." This famous Greek maxim is attributed to any number of ancient Greek philosophers, including the great Socrates.

The quest for the meaning of life is foremost in one's mind, if one cares a snap for it; the second and more valuable is, "Search others for their virtues, thyself for thy vices." -- Benjamin Franklin. That is almost too exhausting for words.

Self examination is painful and incomplete. Forty days of Lent are too short for it. Embarrassing oneself helps a little bit for a short time, as does humiliation which lasts longer. Being told outright how pathetic you are keeps a person humble, but unfortunately that old shield of defense always seems to be right there. Too bad it can't be dropped as easily as it can be picked up.

Old Benjamin had it right. I don't think he wrote a self help book to go with his pointed little maxim. All I recall from his autobiography, which seems to be a self-help book for life, is not to sleep your life away.

It isn't easy to listen to criticism and think about your critic's virtues.