Cosmic loneliness

Have you ever had a few days that went from bad to worse no matter how you tried to keep positive, no matter how much you promised yourself that tomorrow is going to be different?

Today was a hopeful start with bars delivered to church for two funerals on time, my favorite little grocery store has been remodeled and the wider isles are easier to navigate, I brought home a couple of pots of little mums. The small yellow buds just didn't do it. It is cold inside and out. It has been grim and unpleasant. As a school librarian, I used to read "Alexander's No Good Very Bad Day" to little kids. I can't remember how it ended.

This is one of those days that make a woman think she should have become a nun. Today I truly felt like the 52 years I have put into 'this' has been a failure. Families are not always the blessing Hallmark would like you to think, nor are mothers. The only perfect mother is a dead one. Isn't that a scary thought. The perfect family is a myth. I would settle for a kind one.

One warm bright spot was when Wol Suk stopped by this afternoon to bring Korean pears from her tree. She hugs me and tells us we inspire her with our kindness and generosity...maybe there really is a God in Heaven who sends foreigners to love you and give you a feeling of worth. But I am feeling that cosmic loneliness again.