Passionate Spirituality

The term 'passionate spirituality' intrigues me. I am on a new committee at church dealing with this aspect of our personal and congregational lives. Googling the term in quotes brings up 965 hits, a great many in reference to blogs. We are using Natural Church Development as our guide: Effective ministry flows out of a passionate spirituality. "Spiritual intimacy leads to a strong conviction that God will act in powerful ways..."

We could use a little of that intimacy around here. I am glad I am on the committee. I know, I know, that probably sounds self-serving. I don't mean to be; it is just that I am so, so needy at the moment.

No, not needy as in needing stuff. I mean needy in wisdom to deal with our mentally ill daughter, needy in knowing how to talk to He Who Must Be Obeyed, needy in my compassion for those around me; I am so clueless about what I should be about, the meaning of life. Even at seventy, (oh, Lord, really seventy!) I am not ready to chuck it all. I could have 15 years to amount to something after all.

This lack of optimism at the moment is so senseless. Life is rich. My world is stunningly beautiful. I have hope for good tomorrows. I probably suffer from a lack of control. We do love control, don't we! Maybe it is simply meaning that we seek.

We both had appointments with our health provider a couple of days ago. Both of us have had a spike in our blood pressure, to the point that our medications need adjusting. Stress does that to a person, my nurse practioner told me. I thought difficult circumstances toughened a person instead of killing them. Four phone calls in two days; another 600 mile drive soon: the blood pressure isn't going down yet.

Deep breathing and a lot of prayer, some cursing between clenched teeth; I must not cave into this challenge. I feel a little histrionic myself at the moment. My epitaph looks different today than it would have in 1995 when I retired, or in 1975 when I started teaching, or in 1954 when I first got married, but then so do I. Everything changes, everything.